Well Wishers

Repeat after me, hugs work; stupid statements don't.

1. don't tell me it's OK and I'm doing great
2. don't tell me I need to take it easy
3. don't tell me I should make appointments when you can get there,
4. if you know when the appointments are and never show up, I'll assume that's on you - my appointments are when ever I can get them, and if I tell you when they are it's up to you to take it form there
5. don't think I am not placing a huge amount of pressure on myself to get up to my former speed - I am and I'm not there yet; and this distresses me hugely
6. don't think I'm not doing everything I can think of to stay afloat, financially, emotionally and physically
7. Yes assume I'm sinking and come up with your own practical solutions and PUT THEM INPLACE - show up - if I've told you where and when, just show up
8. If you can help, start by doing the dishes and putting the washing out, then folding it and putting everything away. I hate clutter, in the cupboards, in my life, I rather burn clothes then face the facts I have no ability to be tidy. My hands don't work properly and my life is a mess. Fix that.

I now cry on the inside when I know I can't achieve what I use to be able to do. If I pay a bill late it kills me to know I've missed the discount period because I worked it out wrong. Life is very sad and lonely now.

Physical contact must be negotiated for the first few months, ask first, make sure you don't surprise a stroke survivor, as our sense of touch is off with the monkeys. The monkeys is a lovely place without any financial pressure, I'd rather live there now thanks. This juggling responsibilities is hard. I can't cope on a very regular basis, and I'm always angry.

We have one simple: go to reaction, and that is" fear". Can't afford it, can't visualize a way forward, alone sucks. If we can't visually comprehend the next action - like if you come up behind us and tap our shoulder, the instant you make contact is the first we know or it. There is a jumble of mixed signals going on and our processing logic is really slow and glitchy. This sorts it 'self out by month five. Or starts to calm down. Cognitive stuff like flashing movies, or shadows on the pavement scare the crap out of me, I just can't work it out visually anymore.

Don't tell us your praying for us, pick up an object and help tidy our lives. We can no longer stack things; so empty our cupboards and help sort the shit we've slammed in there out.

Bending down to do things carefully like stack tupperware dishes gets us dizzy. I personally am precariously balanced on stumps - I can't feel my feet, I can't work out where they are and bump into stuff all the time - mechanically they are still right where I left them but I no longer feel them properly - they do raise merry hell with my senses if I hurt them even slightly they call Armageddon. My skin is super sensitive, as is my temper.

I tried to tidy my garage whilst I couldn't work, so I could take in boarders and get an income. Tidying my garage was physically and mentally beyond me. With help it still isn't done.

Our use by date is looming, we don't know if we are going to have another stroke before tomorrow so help us sort out the mess and clutter. Now, today.

I advertised for boarders, didn't get any so am listing my house for sale, which may or may not be years before it's sold. Our economy sucks, and my income leaves me with a deficit of many many hundreds of dollars each week. It will sell when it sells and that will be a load off my back. I can't juggle bills any more, and it's way too much. I don't know where I will live, but I will board somewhere that I don't have a gazillion bills coming at me. I need simple now.

Reassure us whilst being proactive, don't say stuff, do stuff. Show us how much you care. OH and flowers and cards are good to, but show us by your actions.

Ask first thou: When in hospital, climb into bed and hold us and tell us stories as if we have the mentality of a five year old, the emotional stability of a three year old. We need to be reassured, and our circulation took a nose dive until our wiring sorts itself back out again.

Massage our feet and ankles, hand holding is amazing, I hold my own hand now as it doesn't feel like my own, and it's incredible reassuring - till I realise I'm alone and feel a bit stupid.