Depression goes hand in hand with a loss of independence and the way it was. Have a read of a self care checklist.

We took for granted our past lives, and they are now gone. Do your exercises to shake off the anger.

We need to retrain the brain, and use our cognitive powers to recharge and discipline our mood swings. A mood swing is an active chemical that runs a 90 second surge of feelings through the circuits, normally bad, negative and anxious thoughts will occur due to the lack of independence.

We have just received news our tax dollars haven't gone to rehab or medicine or the health system we thought we had, rather has gone to individuals with bureaucratic tenancies. Empire builders we call them, The top managers or the individuals so close to the top they are irrelevant to the working grunts who are on little wages, and expected to do a huge amount with a lack of resources.

In New Zealand Rural areas it appears the rehab teams are on two days a week and the rest they must do private work to pay their own mortgage. So Please ring and leave a message and for goodness sake don't hold your breath, you will be another fatality if you are waiting on the system to fix you. and I mean this, suicide is a real thought here and now.

You must fix yourself. Ignore the fact that this happened to you, ignore if there were warning signs that you ignored. That ship sailed. You are still here and can only correct stuff here and now.

That 90 seconds of mood adrenalin must be used to fight the dilemmas your face.

Use it to say no to smoking, or salt in your food or whatever you need to quit to get healthier and stronger. Make certain your doctor has told you what caused your stroke. Make certain your doctor isn't over or under medicating you.

Once you find transport get as active as you can afford financially. Buy second hand gym equipment. I know you wont' received money from the Govt for such things, and you may live far away from buses, but you must get mobile or die. Get walking. Get to your garden and pull weeds. Manipulate what you have left and make it more. I don't care if you can't feel your limbs, I don't care if you can't walk. Move anyway shape or form you can.

The trick is to use your 90 seconds to enforce your new disciplines, use the adrenalin to reaffirm you are alive, if you quit smoking say out loud I haven't had a cigarette in 3 months 2 days and 27 minutes and I'm not starting from scratch now.

Put on music and rock on. Have a bath and massage your limbs. Ask some one for help - find a random task that you can not do, like opening a sauce lid for your dinner that day, or squashing down your trash in your bin, or what ever it is that you want company with. Let someone in and share your few hours of daylight with a friend. Let them experience your stuttered conversation. I assure you they won't care that you aren't the old you.

You are the new you, a survivor who knows what it is to cheat death for now, and your experience is valuable. Don't waste time in remorse and don't kill time watching TV. Get Active. Shake it off!

You are not alone - just seems like it. Find help, reach out. It's only and always up to you. Don't procrastinate - motivate yourself and find a phone book, go on facebook - search Stroke Survivors and join a group. None of us have any money - none of us have any answers. All of us together tho, even through the internet - we stretch a globe and we are a group of survivors - partners and family. Young and older. All welcome.

There are many groups or you can start a local one. Be social if you can. If you can't talk join an online group. If you can't drive join an online group. If you end up back in hospital tell us which one so local people can visit. Don't accept isolation.

Helpful websites:

NHS Recovery.

Stroke UK Depression

Stroke Stories ages 21 - 45

If you have tips and hints please let me know. karen@hint.co.nz